Great Escape

anoutlet @ 2010-03-18T23:56:00

2010-03-19T07:56:09Z

the back room is almost clutter free. got another large tote full of stuffs to donate. this purging is good for me. once i get that room painted i will move to the totes that have been neglected for quite some time and see where i can consolidate.
this weekend i will hang pics and art on walls that are finished. i need to get all of that off of my dresser and the futon in the backroom. i want to finish the basics in belly's room so all that will be left is redoing the ceiling, but that will not be for a while yet since it's only cosmetic.
i am bummed that i didn't find my battery charger for my camera. i want to take pics at jack's party. i've got a few more days yet, but now i don't have a clue where to look. maybe it will come to me tonight in my dreams.
the back yard is coming along. hopefully i'll get it done before it turns into a spring mud pit. cash has already dug huge holes everywhere so it won't take much rain on our tundra-esque yard. hopefully i fixed his digging today though. as soon as we went out belly asked that i take cash off his leash and then promptly ran to the fence and asked, "where my friends?" and when they came out about a half hour later she ran over and said, "hi, ladies" and tugged on the gate until i opened it and she could run into their yard. it's nice having neighbors with young kids.
we went over to julie's house this week. belly got to play with harper. they are a nice family. we really hit it off. something that hasn't really happened here without significant effort. harper is such a different personality than belly, so i'm excited about the positive influence.

more conversation stoppers

2010-03-17T08:06:10Z

while drying off after her bath.

m: honey, please don't put the ladybug in your bunker.
b: oh, i want to.
m: you don't put anything in there. not ladybugs, not...
b: elmo. elmo doesn't go in my bunker.
m: no he doesn't honey. good call.

today.

m: little mama, let's go. i want to take the dogs for a walk.
b: no baby mama, i wanna do my own thing.
m: you can do your own thing on the walk.
b: no, you walk. i wanna stay here.
m: you can't stay here, honey.
b: can i take my stickers?
m: yes.
b: where are my boots?

this evening when bran tried to sit next to her on the couch before dinner.
b: don't sit there dada, it's all geeky!

whew

2010-03-09T18:14:38Z

as soon as shayne sends me the signed documents i an shoot to bran to pdf and then finally send them on to the epa.
i am excited to be done. stayed up until 3:30 last night making final tweeks. got up at 7:30 to finish filling out required forms.
belly wants some attention. best give it to her before the paperwork comes in and i have to get back to work.

conversation starters

2010-03-07T21:00:40Z

belly said some cute things this week and rather than try to store them in my sinking ship of a memory vault, i thought writing them down would withstand time much better.

look, i made a carrot poopie, mama.

no, i want to hang out some more. (her response when told it was time to get ready for a bath)

that's not cool, dada (bran spilled juice in the fridge)

that jacket freaks me out (when asked why she doesn't like her green kodiak coat)

anoutlet @ 2010-03-01T23:16:00

2010-03-02T08:16:10Z

i really should be working, but i can't seem to concentrate. i think i put in too many hours last week and fried my brain. 40 hours in total not counting my day job...the baby. maybe i will just give myself a break this evening and really kick it into gear tomorrow. although even typing that seems kind of ridiculous. if i get it done before fri. then i can start the weekend with the first fri free art crawl and enjoy the rest of the first of the month activities.
sat: home depot toddlers workshop (last month belly built a small shelf.
sun: silverbow for a free afternoon children's movie.
and somewhere in between there i could finish painting the trim and touch up the doors. and actually relax on the weekend for once.

anoutlet @ 2010-03-01T23:09:00

2010-03-02T08:09:50Z

my mil is a total piece of work. she just sent an email explaining that while belly is not her husband's biological grandchild and that he now has a real grandson of his own, belly still has a special place in his heart and hers as well. wtf.
if this was the first time she'd made such a stupid comment, i would excuse it, but it's not. when we were down in sept. she kept talking about how much closer she and gerry will be with his grandson since he will be so much closer. but there is always the caveat that belly will still have a special place.i really wish i could tell her to shove her special place for my precious up her fat ass. i can't even fathom making such a comment. ugh.
now she wants us to come down for her stepdaughters wedding because it would be so nice...bran could bar tend and take care of the parking and i could be in charge of decorations and food. so in other words we'd be the help, not the guests...just like at her wedding.
i have a lot of issues with her that i really need to resolve. i am still mad at her for her antics she pulled with belly was born. i can't get the way she behaved out of my mind. i've excused it as it being an emotional time for her, but i can't seem to forgive her for what she said to my mom about me and the baby (who was less than 6 hours old), the way she handled belly whenever she held her those first few days.

anoutlet @ 2010-02-24T23:47:00

2010-02-25T08:47:08Z

i think my brain is fried. i am so tired of thinking. i have put in 15 hours since mon. and i am only a 1/4 of the way done with the first proposal. the loi for the freezers i am not too worried about because i've already written a similar proposal so all i need to do is plug in some new variables. as for #3...well that one still has me stumped. i have an idea of the feasibility study i want to propose, but i don't know if i know enough about the grocery and shipping industries to write a compelling proposal.
ugh!
my fire spot is killing me. i've let the baby watch more tv than i ever thought i would allow. educational or not, still not as good as attention. skipped the play date this morning because belly didn't want to go. "daisy-sara hit me. not nice. no go bye-bye." pretty cut and dry. she has had to learn how to deal with aggressive behavior. sometimes she comes running and other times she strikes back and then retreats to me.

(daisy is the youngest in a family of 4, she is tough and 2. sara is 4 and she doesn't hit belly, but has no problems whapping her sister to keep her in line. the girls are kind of on their own. their mother is deaf, so they get away with a lot. although it's nice watching belly learn to sign when she's talking to christy who thankfully is an impeccable lip reader. her daughters try to sign as fast as they talk and make up signs. it is so funny to watch.
it's amazing how jibberish is understood to be nonsense in any language.)

then she wakes up from a 3 hour nap wanting to go. by that time it was too late. i'll see if we can pop in tomorrow before the twins come over so it's not too hectic. getting out of the house will do us good. also if the weather is pukey i might suggest taking the girls to the noaa lab for their play date. last friday we went to the glacier and threw rocks on the lake trying to break through the ice. jack has a pretty good arm for an almost 4 year old. she and belly are peas in a pod. they get along so well when they play. two totally different play date dynamics every week has been good for her. next to tackle mon. library time again. now that we've moved it requires quite the commitment in the morning to get there on time. i should see what time the library down the street meets as an alternative.

revisited conversation

2010-02-24T00:09:50Z

now that i can finish.....

me: do you want to go for a walk?
belly: no walk mama.
m: it's really pretty outside. look at the sun. don't you want to walk the dogs in the sun? i'll pack you.
b: can your bobes come?
m: they always come everywhere i go honey. they are part of my body.
b: can i have some bobes?
m: no
b: when i was a baby i had bobes ebby day, mama. your bobes still have milk. little bit, mama.

(this startling fact was discovered about 2 weeks ago when i set out to prove that the bobes were no longer milk producers. we went into the bathroom and squeezed my nipples...sure enough a few droplets came out of my right side...she's been fascinated ever since.)

m: you don't get your food that way anymore. that's for babies. you eat food, drink milk, water and juice from a cup.
b: mama get in your pouch?
m: yes.
b: mama, get in your tummy?
m: no, that's for babies and you're a bog girl.
b: mama can i be a baby today?

(i think she was hoping for some nursing if she played baby. we play baby animal games in which were we act like different animals...baby kangaroo is one of her favorites so i pouch her several times a day...sometimes that means zipping her in my robe or simply letting her crawl into my lap and carry her on my front wherever i go. when we play baby mama monkey we go around eat imaginary bananas. as iguanas we eat flying bugs...so you can see why she might have thought that baby human would result in some boob action.

afternoon conversations

2010-02-19T08:51:39Z

me: do you want to go for a walk?
belly: no walk mama.
m: it's really pretty outside. look at the sun. don't you want to walk the dogs in the sun? i'll pack you.
b: can your bobes come?
m: they always come everywhere i go honey. they are part of my body.
b: can i have some bobes?
m: no
b: when i was a baby i had bobes ebby day, mama.

baby is coughing and crying finish later.

welcome to suckville

2010-02-10T08:10:50Z

population 1 and while you're at it, chalk today up as a suckfest.

the baby didn't want to nap which results in tears starting at 2:30 until bran got home and bed without dinner. poor thing was so tuckered out that she fell asleep while we were talking as dinner was cooking. she finally woke up at 10 and we shoveled in some oatmeal.

the dogs were more than frustrating on our walk. they either insisted on pulling or not walking at all. at one point i simply tied maggie to a pole and came back for her later. albeit it was only 5 minutes and she was in plain sight the entire time. cash did get some off leash time though.

called to pay my credit card and despite the bold type on the website the operator said that it was going to be late since i called after 9 and therefore there was going to be a late fee. she refused to remove it. i will call tomorrow and see what can be done. otherwise i am seriously considering canceling the damn thing. nothing but trouble anyway.

bran won't stop hinting that i need a job. despite the fact that i have a full time job already, belly, and i work part time every night. he sent me a link to an online teaching position that needs to be filled. i will call and see if they are interested in part time tutoring or a small case load, but 40 hrs/wk...i don't think so.
i am still too hurt to talk to him about his arbitrary 2nd kid refusal. i have been silently mad at him for weeks. it is not helping the situation at all. i just don't know where to even begin without making it sound like an ultimatum. ggggrrrrr!

went to hang the freshly painted closet doors for belly's room and only managed to bend the bracket and scrape lines in the paint...f-ing lovely. another item to add to the list. which has yet to find an ending point. well this week at least.

welcome to suckville

2010-02-10T08:08:04Z

chalk today up as a suckfest. the baby didn't want to nap which results in tears starting at 2:30 until bran got home and bed without dinner. poor thing was so tuckered out that she fell asleep while we were talking as dinner was cooking. she finally woke up at 10 and we shoveled in some oatmeal.
the dogs were more than frustrating on our walk. they either insisted on pulling or not walking at all. at one point i simply tied maggie to a pole and came back for her later. albeit it was only 5 minutes and she was in plain sight the entire time. cash did get some off leash time though.
called to pay my credit card and despite the bold type on the website the operator said that it was going to be late since i called after 9 and therefore there was going to be a late fee. she refused to remove it. i will call tomorrow and see what can be done. otherwise i am seriously considering canceling the damn thing. nothing but trouble anyway.
bran won't stop hinting that i need a job. despite the fact that i have a full time job already, belly, and i work part time every night. he sent me a link to an online teaching position that needs to be filled. i will call and see if they are interested in part time tutoring or a small case load, but 40 hrs/wk...i don't think so.
i am still too hurt to talk to him about his arbitrary 2nd kid refusal. i have been silently mad at him for weeks. it is not helping the situation at all. i just don't know where to even begin without making it sound like an ultimatum. ggggrrrrr!

ugh...

2010-02-01T08:24:33Z

i predict a doctor's visit in the near future. for the last month my fire spot has been killing me and i can deal with that because that pain as come and gone fore over 10 years now, but now i'm getting shooting horizontal pains across my back just below my shoulder blades. it comes and goes and i haven't yet figured out the trigger. i am hoping that my renew yoga routine will untweek whatever is ailing.
my foot on the other hand i think i going to require some medical attention. i have been having a really weird pain in my ring toe on my right foot. at first i thought it was because my nail had cut into the side of my toe because of my shoes. so for the last month i've tried to really wear shoes that are wide toe. this helps the outside where the two toes rub together, but down in the joint on the bottom side of my foot it feels like a bruise, just more intense. i keep hoping that it will heal on its own, but deep down i think there is a bigger issue.
on a positive note i think it was decided this afternoon. belly and i will be making a trip in oct. to h-town. wish bran would come with us, but he's set on working so we can take our family vacation to mex. in spring 2011 with some good friends of our who have a timeshare in a small town outside of playa del carmen.

xtratuff town

2010-01-26T09:32:25Z

we were invited to a party on sat. and we opted to stay home instead. the hosts invited us tonight to help finish off the keg. we got there at 6 and by 6:15 the hostess and her girlfriend left leaving me with the baby and the guys hanging out around the keg. the ladies returned a little after 8 right as we were leaving.
i would chalk their disappearing act on coincidence if this wasn't the first time this has happened. we've been together at several functions and it typically ends the same way.
i have a hard time working my way into conversations with the cliche-ish ladies here. it's been a year and a half more or less since we've moved to juneau and the female friend scene sucks. i've made some guy friends, but sometimes it's just fun to hang with the ladies. ugh. i do have one good girlfriend in town though and our girls are the best of friends. belly loves her some jack.
should be back to snowing temps by the end of this week. goodbye sun, hello snow. maybe we'll get enough to try out the sled....again. belly's not too sure of it unless one of us rides with her. poor bran, he always gets the uphill.

ah...snow

2010-01-13T23:13:08Z

we made cookies for the neighbor who generously plowed our driveway and the street directly in front of the house. i guess he felt i could use a little help seeing as i was shoveling while belly was chasing the dog, trying eagerly to run around the mound of snow that is stacked in the middle of the col de sac. i would've let her, but the mound is at least 10 feet tall and i couldn't see her and shovel. i did manage to get the porch done and a path to walk to the porch. gym membership...posh. i have to shovel snow in order to leave the house.
which ironically i can't do because bran has the car. he's taken it every day this week because there is no way that pearl is suitable for driving on icy roads with snow blowing all over. i am starting to get a bit stir crazy though. although we manage to get out for a daily walk, it's never that long because belly starts saying her hands are cold so i always turn around and inevitably when we get home i pull her little paws out of her wool mittens (that i made...first pair, very awkward...both righties despite following the instructions for a leftie...anyhoo i digress) and her hands are warm. way warmer than mine and certainly far from cold.
she likes the idea of snow and trying to catch snowflakes on her tongue more than she packing, walking or sledding for an extended period of time. tonight however i'm going to set her in my lap and make bran pull us around the col de sac...the snow is perfect for it.

finally a breath

2010-01-10T11:40:40Z

with moving, fixing as we unpack, making christmas presents, holiday festivities and guests i had little to no free time to myself. i am back though. the house is progressing nicely. still way too much needs to be done to mention. some other day. all but 2 of the boxes are unpacked and i have a whole mess load of goodies to pawn off. the back corner in the back room is quickly filling up with everything from baby toys to winter clothes and various sundries shoved in along the way and its making its way along the wall. i've gotten a chance to organize my craft totes which allowed me to eliminate 2 although they have quickly been filled with other nonsense. some omre organizing though and i think i can get my cluttering under control. belly is talking up a storm. we have actual conversations about what makes her happy, her dreams, imaginative play, cooking, music requests when we're driving. it's awesome. this week she has been stuck on the phrase, "mama do you lobe me?" it just so happens to be the title of one of her favorite books. a daily read. today we progressed to "how much?" when i asked her how much she loved me she said, "clouds" i take that as a good sign. she's also exploring the world of friends, love, being nice and playing by herself. she's added 9 to her counting repitore...1, 2, 8, 9. she is pretty good at using those numbers consistently. in her mind 3 is 8 and 4 is 9 because she gets it right every time. she is a fantastic kid. i am a lucky mom.

this week's moments

2009-11-27T09:08:25Z

this morning i woke up to bran hollering my name and the word vodka. i had forgotten to put up my drink the night before and since it was clear bran paid no attention to it when belly grabbed the glass and took a sip. honestly, i don't think she got it past her lips, but i pumped her full of food and watched her closely for a few hours. she was totally normal although i won't be leaving my drinks on the table anymore.
this week belly has been a trooper. she has had way more dvd time than should be allowed, but she's been breaking it up by helping me paint, hammering on the walls and trying eith al her might to entice us to play chase all day. she repainted the accent wall in her room. i'm going to leave it since i plan to make that the art wall anyway. i', sure that won't be the last time she takes a brush to that wall in the next few weeks anyway. might as well let her have fun with it. today she used all of her brushes instead of my small cutting brush. she thought it was great dipping her brushes all the way to her fingers and slowly pulling it out and watching the paint drip off. then she would wildly turn to a wall flinging paint everywhere, brush here and there a bit and repeat the process. at one point she had 3 brushes going. she was really working it in the hallway.

milestones this week:

she recognized the letters on the fred meyer building "look mama, abc's" when i told her they were letters that spelled fred meyer she said "oh fred meyer abc's" very matter of fact.

she also requested that i read a dr. suess book to her during our bathroom ritual. book requests by title (picture on front page) is common, but author, i was impressed. "bead book, mama. no no doc sue book pease."

she sang along with some of the songs on her movies she's been memorizing. it was too cute to hear her belt out a few jumbly, indiscernible words. she had the pitch and rhythm right though.

this afternoon when she woke up from her nap she was talking about pete's dragon. one of the movies she's fallen in love with. which i couldn't find this evening for some reason and she was most distraught for a few minutes until we started playing with her animals, but i digress. our post nap routine involves me asking her if she slept well, what she dreamed about and checking to see if food or bathroom is top priority. and her response is typically the same. she slept well, she watched cash either poop or eat (this determines which we will have to do shortly) in her dreams and after some snuggling we're off. today however was different. she woke up talking about pete's dragon and how the dragon is her friend and she loves him. then she hopped off my lap to face me and very seriously says, "pete dagon izzy paborit mobie." now mind you we talk about favorite books, colors, foods, etc. but i wasn't too sure how much she really comprehended the concept because given in the right order, everything is her favorite. but not today.

to be expected

2009-11-18T08:13:45Z

it is taking longer than expected to prep the floors and walls. we are nearing the home stretch. bran needs to replace the subfloor by the front door and i need to sand all the patches and de-popcorn the ceiling in belly's room and the hallway. whoever thought that was a good idea was so wrong. need to see if belly can play with jack for the next few days for a few hours. might save it for the weekend though. i'll sleep on it tonight. still need to get flooring for the laundry room and entryway. must be very water resistant, durable and something i like. haven't seem to find anything that fits all those criteria. must make a choice and get it ordered tomorrow. still need to finish scraping the wallpaper in the breakfast nook, but that will have to wait until the floors are installed since they are sitting in that corner of the house. need to call the dads to see if they have any suggestions as to how to get the popcorn off the ceiling short of scraping it with a putty knife. there must be some kind of sanding tool out there. whew. we have to be finished with the floors and most of the painting (would be nice) and finish packing the house and move in by the 1st. i'm glad bran will be taking most of thanksgiving week off so we can work during the day too.
belly has been a super trooper. she helps occasionally. she wanders and chased the dog. she snacks in front of her "dbd" she can't say her v's yet. she inspects. she's perfectly content watching movies and talking with me in whatever room i have to work in. she rocks.

busy awesome day

2009-11-15T09:03:20Z

today was the first day we really worked on the house. not to mention we bought our first brand new, not new to us, but brand new front loading washer/dryer set. they're last year's models so we got a good deal. capitalism worked in our favor today. thanks in-laws for the g.c.

although we went a played around on thurs. when we got the keys, short of pulling carpet up in the spare room to take peek at the subfloors was nothing in comparison to the amount we got done today. belly and i made a morning trip for some last minute floor prep items. kystal came along for the ride and entertained belly while i shopped. i was able to to in a hour what usually would've taken me a scattered 2.

we got to the house and plugged her into pete's dragon and various other movies between her sweeping and (pretend) helping pull nails and staples. by the time we left this evening all the carpet has been pulled out and placed in the garage and except for the living room and the last bit of hallway (wonky light switch that needs to be replaced stopped working so nails and bits were definitely left.

we should be ready to seal the floors mon. evening at the latest which means we can start laying floor next weekend. leaving us this week after bran gets off of work to paint the interior. good thing once the floor is all painted it will be safe for belly to run around crazy, chasing the dog, helping, playing, general kid stuff, but for now the evil necessity of the portable dvd player has taken control. still haven't settled on accents, but i've got my base color all picked out.

homeowner in the neat future?

2009-10-01T22:40:53Z

we revisted a house that we liked a few months ago right before it was taken off the market. well despite a week plus of the funk we were able to see the house before anyone else managed to put in an offer. we meet today with our real estate agent so we can put in our offer.
the house is not the prettiest little place we've looked at...by far. and it certainly is the ugly duckling on the block, but it has potential and it's well within our means...two things that haven't seem to lined up on this year and a half search we've been on.
if they accept the offer than we would need to go in immediately and redo the floors...they are so gross that i can feel the funk through my shoes, we'd need to mend the back fence to keep cash in and scrub the hell out of everything else. so basically it's really no dirtier than a few places we've rented. ideally we'll get it for a steal...as it is it's already listed $40k less than the assessed property value because it's a foreclosure. i would like to knock off an additional $15K, but we'll see.
i'm nervous, anxious and excited all at once. i know this is a smart move, although it will be challenging at times with a toddler and renovations, but we aren't the first and certainly won't be the last family to do it. that being said. fingers crossed.

we'se some sickos in here

2009-09-24T04:53:57Z

the sickness continues. bran is on day 5. belly is on day 1 if you don't count the aftermaths of cold she had the week before. i took both of them to the doctor today. bran was in pain when he coughed and belly had a fever of a 102 even with tylenol. also she made the saddest face when she coughed like she wanted to cry, but thought it might make her chest hurt worse. bran got antibiotics...belly was issued what we're already doing....steams, tylenol and the humidifier. i felt fine all day, but now that i have slowed down a bit between belly's stirring (about every 20-45 minutes) i am feeling heavy like i too may be getting sick. i hope my vitamin boost earlier today and some emergen-c before i go to bed will help. belly needs to be snuggled back to sleep.

belly's b-day bash

2009-09-21T18:32:55Z

the trip to houston has come and gone. we had a lot of fun despite the drama. there is so much truth in the saying "you can never go back" when it comes to family dynamics. belly had 3 parties with her many grandparents and great grandparents. we got home on tues...late so wed was a waste of a day too. we had belly's official b-day party yesterday. my little one is a toddler, no mistaking. although it was wet, cold, rainy, foggy and generally an unpleasant day. we still had a nice time. belly played with some friends...super troopers for making it out in the weather...opened presents, ate cake then came home to play with her new goodies. she is totally stocked up for some time now.
today she is decked out in elmo...shirt, shoes and puffy vest. too cute.

anoutlet @ 2009-08-24T20:43:00

2009-08-25T04:52:42Z

i'm excited, nervous, anxious and giddy all at the same time. belly and i leave tomorrow for seattle get in at midnight then get up and fly to dallas at 7am. we will finally get into houston around 4ish.
usually i am way comfortable with flying, but we've watched a lot of movies/shows that involved plane crashes, so i am a bit nervous. i told bran that i am going to keep belly strapped to me. which of course i know is totally impractical with a toddler.
also i am stressing over bringing the car seat. i have one in houston that i used last time. it worked great, but i am apprehensive about using it this time. i don't want to to haul our car seat all over creation, but i don't want to regret not bringing it and relying on the other one either.
i have one more night to sleep on it. when i wake up in the morning i will book the hotel based on my dream decision. hopefully my subconscious will work it out tonight. no pressure.

a question of ethics

2009-08-16T04:13:29Z

i did a contract job in april and finally got paid for it today due to my mail forwarding issues i've had with the post office for the last month.
and although i am so thankful the check finally came...much needed, they sent me two. they cut 2 different checks during the month of july. i feel like cashing them both. the company is a grant making machine and they filter millions through their system annually so what's $875 to them right? i know the right thing to do is to send it back, right? right! i don't know why i'm even tossing around the idea of keeping it other than an unexpected $874 would be really nice right about now even though i know in the long run, if they ever figured it out, it could come back to bite me in the arse. in which case that amount is not really worth a great big hassle. i've thought about chalking it up to the interest they owe me for the job and that i got screwed on the amount initially. typically i am $100/hr for adult education classes, but this gig i only got $79.50/hr instead because there was a mix up with the vendor and rather than argue for the difference i figured i'd let it go so that i could work at the center again. but now with this extra check like manna from heaven is sitting in my living room, i wonder...keep it or send it back.

anoutlet @ 2009-08-10T07:51:00

2009-08-10T15:58:07Z

thanks for the comments. it seems you hit the nails on the head so to speak.
areas of concern:
my husband's hoops and rules
lack of flexibility
my feeling like i have to suspend my dream for his
larger underlying issues that aren't being discussed (his)
the idea that this marriage might not work....this one is the scariest of all. i came from a divorced family so i waited a long time before having a child. i don't want her to grow up in a fractured home. it's hard. on the flip side i don't want her growing up in a household where her parents don't or can't agree on the basics.
i have fantasized about leaving with her, removing us both from the situation...but deep down i know that is not the answer (despite it temporarily making me feel better)and i must remember where there was once 1 there is now 3 and she is the most important.
i feel like an acrobat balancing on a tightrope without a safety net.

exhausted

2009-08-01T04:49:42Z

doesn't begin to explain just how tired i am. 6 hours of sleep in 2 days. 15 pages of text. 3 pages of spreadsheets and 30 other misc. pages later...the grant is finished and submitted with minutes to spare. thanks for the encouragement squirrly